It’s a beautiful sunny afternoon as we drive down a cottage road on the Ottawa River. We stop at the second last place on the road, a cedar clad home with a red roof. This love nest doesn’t look any different than the other homes in the area I think, as we drive into the driveway; well let’s see what it is all about. We walk up to the door and are greeted by Pala who seems to burst into your space like a surprise, wanting to lick you like a puppy would, to show love and get some back. Then we meet Al, a gentle looking man in his late fifties and he is wearing a back support belt with pink suspenders. Huh I wonder is this part of keeping in shape for good sex or is he just worn out, and needs his back supported. We are led to our room and it is small, simple, and clean. I see a much bigger room at the end of the hall with a beautiful view of the river. Again my mind wanders and I think how much are we paying for this? Just then the little table by the bed catches my eye and I see some “Wet” a lubricant for body parts during sex, wow this seems too obvious. I look at Deb and say what do you think, should we stay? Well Deb says let’s just play it by ear and see how it goes, “ok” I say and so we stayed.
At our first meal together, which Pala prepared, it was obvious that the other two couples had a little nervousness as well. All of us had found Pala and Al by way of the internet, their site at www.tantra-sex.com and as the discussion proceeded it became clear that each of the couples there had some “ marital issues” from outright infidelity issues to hang ups and bad messages about sex and sexuality from conservative religious upbringings. Pala and Al were warm, generous and so real, so present and completely without any airs. They spoke about what would happen in general on the weekend and we shared a unique experience at out first meal, followed up with some “homework” for bedtime. It was very clear by the time we retired for the night that this was about so much more than good sex, and we were pleasantly intrigued with each new presentation and even more impressed by the depth and quality of material being shared with us. This was not a weekend just about techniques but the beginning of a lifetime journey (if we chose so) to real ecstasy, or passionate monogamy as Al and Pala described it.
Tantra is about openness and transformation, and integration of sex and spiritual growth. It was quite interesting to me having been raised Roman Catholic, to hear Al describe many of the same struggles as I had. Struggles that had to do with trying to deny the sexual in order to be spiritual and the inner conflict knowing that the power of our sexual desires could not simply be repressed or replaced but had to be integrated. It was great to watch Pala so comfortable in her body taking such delight in everything and everyone around her. These were truly “real” people and their sharing and teaching resonated deeply with Deb and I. We especially like the messages around creating love and making our relationship the priority in our lives. It was freeing to hear Pala and Al describe their relationship as their spiritual practice. This was not a practice that excluded other things or people but a practice that enriched all areas of their lives because as a saying goes they were able to put “First Things First” and then the fruit of their practice flowed in to all the other areas of life. They certainly had their struggles about which they were completely honest, but the results of their perseverance, the openness honesty and vulnerability with each other and with us were clearly visible and almost tangible with the energy it produced.
Here were people taking us unto their home the place they live, not a conference room or retreat center. Here were people preparing our meals, and catering to our every need, giving of themselves in every sense of the word. They were available to speak to and did offer some great suggestions to help couples deal with issues that were coming up for them. This was true teaching, real witness and embodied charity and love. It was an amazing experience.
What did we take with us? Some homework for sure, to practice some techniques to let the energy flow between us, such as the “look of love”. Communication techniques such as the “Heart to Heart” talk a very powerful exercise indeed. A commitment to create some sacred space and sacred sex in our relationship and the promise of a truly passionate, spirit filled and open ended growth curve to more awareness, gentleness, presence and integration in our personal lives and relationship.
There was truly an element I’d call subliminal healing that took place for all of us who were there, and the real message was the creation of love which is the real source of creation and which we are all hard wired to seek and to live. This was “love camp” a real kick start to make real and present in our lives what we want and desire, something that has benefits far beyond a couple relationship as Pala and Al have so wonderfully demonstrated.
Before we left we bought their book Soul Sex; Tantra for Two and it has been a reminder and blessing every time either one of us has picked it up to read. A reminder that Love, Sex and Healing are all part of the energy that makes this little blue planet a great place to have a human experience.
George